Bad Santa’s Christmas List: Flamethrowers, Airguns & More

This is a Christmas list like no other. Brought to you by the one and only Bad Santa.

What the hell are you lookin’ at kid? You think this is some kind of ho-ho-ho merry f’n Christmas gift guide? I have news for you, don’t expect no sugar-coated, holiday-cheerfulness nonsense from me. I’m not here to spread warm and fuzzies. Nah, I’m here to give you a taste of the badass side of gift-giving—the side that’ll make your prudish Aunt Mildred clutch her pearls and wonder where she went wrong with you.

I’ve scoured the closets of the North Pole to bring you all of the sh*t your parents would never buy you and then a few things that are just cool to buy yourself — forget your friends. 

If you’re looking for delicate porcelain figurines and heartwarming tales of Christmas miracles, you might want to make a U-turn and head back to Candy Cane Lane. But if you’re down for some good gift ideas this year, pour yourself a strong drink and get ready to dive headfirst into Bad Santa’s Christmas gift guide. No need to thank me — just leave out a plate of cold pizza, a warm shot of vodka, and your mom’s number for me this Christmas Eve. 

Now beat it, Santa (or whatever).

Bad Santa’s Christmas List

All I want for Christmas is a Exothermic Flame Thrower

Alright you little sh*ts, here is the grandaddy of them all. The thing sure to set your holidays a glow. The one gift that will finally make that “Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire” song make sense! Everyone enjoys a good campfire, the ambient lighting of a few candles with dinner, or a burst of color in the night sky from fireworks. So, it’s completely understandable to find yourself asking me for a Exothermic flamethrower this year.

Exothermic gives you the opportunity to send flames 25 feet in any direction you desire. Now, I do not condone irresponsibly spraying fire or arson, so be careful you fruitcakes.  As crazy as it may sound, Exothermic’s long range torch will indeed set your sh*t on fire so only point it at what you want to burn—like that stack of ugly holiday sweaters from your aunt Suzie… Aside from the standard fire-safety discretion, I can assure you that the Exothermic is user friendly and safe to operate. When wielded wisely, this flame thrower is a blast—just ask the elves. They have been rebuilding half of the North Pole instead of tricycles since I found this thing stashed in Blitzen’s stable. 

About the Exothermic Flamethrower

The Exothermic flamethrower is powered by a 12-volt lithium battery that can be monitored by the large LED voltage display on the side. The quarter-gallon tank is attached to a high-pressure fuel pump that is capable of sending fuel up to 25 feet. Sitting just out past the nozzle are two prongs similar to the concept of a spark plug in an engine. When you press the red, the fuel pump and arc ignition will engage simultaneously, turning you into a human dragon. 

Even with the tank completely filled, it is extremely lightweight and safe to transport. The heat shields do their job of keeping the heat away from your hands, and the aluminum handles never get hot. Since there is no pilot light that stays burning, you are free to set the it down even without killing the power. There is a shutoff valve on the fuel pump, a heavy-duty cover over the ignition button, and a power switch that shuts down the unit completely. 

For best results, I recommend gasoline. There is also an additional option to purchase a backpack tank for you pyromaniacs who are looking for a longer run time without having to refill. I had zero issues with the battery providing plenty of charge for multiple tanks of flame throwing fun. The tank will go empty fast due to the high-pressure pump, but you will find the quarter-gallon tank sufficient to have fun lighting up the old Christmas tree after this holiday is finally over.

Also Consider the Pulsefire UBF

And what’s more, there is a version of this “fun-for-the-whole-family” flamethrower that mounts under the barrel of your favorite gun—all you need is a pic rail!

I mean, what screams “Happy Holidays” like gunpowder and gasoline? This mighty little toy with have your liberal sister-in-law running for her safe space faster than me to Mrs. Claus when I see her under the mistletoe in nothing but her Christmas stockings. All the specs and details are the same as the standard Pulsefire Flamethrower, however this guy will have you standing in your bedroom mirror with a grin ear-to-ear as you say, “Say hello to my little friend…” and I am not talking about Buddy the elf. 

Sightmark Wraith Mini Thermal Riflescope

Here’s a good one—perfect for sneaking around dark living rooms with a sack of toys or better yet, for smokin’ some land destroying hogs at night.

The Wraith Mini 2-16×32 Thermal Riflescope is an exciting extension to Sightmark’s renowned Wraith line of digital color/night vision riflescopes. Featuring a 384 sensor and an impressive 1,400-yard detection range, the Wraith Mini Thermal Riflescope brings the latest thermal technology to hunters worldwide.

About the Wraith Mini 2-16×32 Thermal Riflescope

Improving on the acclaimed Wraith 4K Mini design, this thermal riflescope is a streamlined, lightweight high-end optic. An intuitive step-through menu makes operation simple and easy.

The Wraith Mini Thermal’s 384×288 microbolometer sensor illuminates hard-to-detect elements on a 1024×768 digital display. Additionally, the built-in audio and video recording onto a micro-SD card lets users capture their hunts in high-resolution detail.

Power comes from CR123A batteries. Further, it ensures 3.5 to 4.5 hours of operation, variable upon video recording and other factors. It also supports Lithium-ion power banks.

It also features a 17-micron pixel pitch, a 2-16x digital zoom, five-color display palettes, and a broad selection of reticle colors and styles for a fully personalized field of view. Additionally, it accommodates storage of up to five firearm profiles for seamless transitions across multiple rifle platforms.

This one is perfect for Timmy. Just send him out back with a can of Redbull, a box or two of ammo, and watch those invasive swine stack up while you kick back in your Lazy-E Boy and watch It’s a Wonderful Life.

Sig Sauer ZULU6 HDX Binoculars

These puppies will land you on the naughty list for sure—especially if you take them to the beach. They stabilize the field of view incredibly—just sayin’.

The Sig Sauer ZULU6 HDX binoculars introduce a revolutionary handheld viewing experience with the integration of their proprietary OIS™ Optical Image Stabilization technology and HDX lenses. These binoculars eliminate the need for a tripod by delivering a steady, full-resolution image.

The OIS Scan Mode facilitates general observation tasks, such as surveying landscapes or locating targets. Meanwhile, the new OIS Target Mode enhances stability by up to 50 percent, enabling users to easily maintain focus on their target.

More About the Binos

With the incorporation of Sig Sauer’s HDX glass lenses, the ZULU6 HDX offers heightened light transmission, resolution, and definition, resulting in unparalleled optical clarity. The binoculars are available in various magnifications (10x, 12x, 16x, and 20x), catering to diverse environments and applications. The IPX-7 waterproof rating ensures protection against the elements.

The ZULU6 HDX binoculars signify a new era in binocular technology, providing users with an advanced glassing system. Key features include the innovative Image Stabilization technology that counteracts shaking and vibrations electronically. The use of HDX-Glass enhances light transmission, resolution, and definition, improving the viewing experience. You can choose between Scan Mode and Target Mode, with the latter boosting image stabilization by up to 50 percent. The IPX7 waterproof and fog-proof rating enhances the binoculars’ durability and reliability in challenging conditions.

You’d certainly like to spot these binos under your tree this year. 

Firebird 65 Biodegradable Reactive Targets

Firebird 65 Biodegradable Reactive Targets are the perfect stocking stuffers this year. You’re Uncle Ross will get a kick out of them—the dog won’t.

Upon impact, they produce a loud, satisfying bang and a visible cloud of non-toxic colored smoke. This not only adds an element of excitement to shooting practice but also provides immediate feedback on your accuracy, making it an excellent tool for honing your shooting skills.

Firebird 65 targets are also versatile and easy to use. They come in various sizes and are compatible with different calibers, making them suitable for both beginner and advanced shooters. Setting up these targets is a breeze; simply attach them to a stable surface or use the included stands, and you’re ready to start popping caps Christmas morning.

Oh, and they are made from biodegradable materials and decompose over time, leaving no harmful residues around your backyard or range—so you’ll also be saving the planet one explosion at a time!

The Benjamin Bulldog M357 PCP Air Rifle Kit

You’ll shoot your eye out, kid!

Psst… remember that Red Rider BB gun? Yeah, think about that shooting a .357 slug at 1,135 feet per second with 300 foot-pounds of energy. Forget Black Bart, this thing can take down a Black Wildbeast!

The Benjamin Bulldog Kit is an awesome package that has taken the Benjamin Bulldog .357 to new levels. This comprehensive kit includes the revamped Benjamin Bulldog M357, a 4-16×50 scope, sling, case, and a generous supply of Benjamin .357 147gr. air rifle slugs. 

Worth noting, the recently revamped M357 delivers a staggering 300 foot-pounds of energy compared to the already impressive 180-200 fpe of its predecessor. This boost in power makes it a force to be reckoned with, capable of tackling a wide range of targets, from reindeer (not mine, ya’ jerk) to African plains game.

The compact 36-inch bullpup allows you to maneuver effortlessly in the field. Additionally, the baffle-less SoundTrap™ shroud provides stealthy shooting, ensuring that you stay discreet while taking your shots.

With a pellet velocity of up to 1135 fps and a five-shot magazine for quick and easy reloading, you’ll have an edge in accuracy and efficiency. Plus, you can get up to five shots per fill, reducing downtime and keeping you slinging lead down range. 

Check your state game laws though; you don’t want to end up on the Warden’s naughty list too. 

One last thing… call it a pro tip if you want: This pairs well with the Firebird targets. Have fun ya’ filthy animal. 

Accubow

Remember all those late nights at the bar? Probably not, but if you do, this thing is like Big Buck Hunter but for bows, and it helps you get in more than 12-ounce curls.

Quite literally it allows you to put in the work and get your reps in wherever you are. I know…. nothing compares to sending an arrow into a target… but what if you could also incorporate hundreds of reps in a shorter time period on top of those outdoor practice sessions? Archery is a grueling form of hunting that requires preparation, strength, and coordination. But the reality is a lot of hunters don’t get enough time behind their bow before opening day comes. The idea behind the Accubow is simple; Get in the reps, build muscle memory and strength, and have fun while you practice. 

A.K.A, don’t miss again like last year…

The Accubow is made of a durable 100-percent high-density polycarbonate frame with two adjustable tension dials where each cam would normally be. The frame folds at each limb allowing you to pack the Accubow into a suitcase or a backpack for easy transport. Above the grip is a phone holder and a laser pointer for different variations of training. The string is real bow string with a D-loop just like you would find on your standard compound bow, but the method to the magic is the workout bands attached to the string. The workout band style bow string can be adjusted for all skill and strength levels. 

Accubow is a Blast for Everyone

Now before you start thinking that this is just a workout device that will gather dust next to the stationary bike you thought would help that beer gut of yours, we can insure you that you won’t even realize you are training. Once you’ve downloaded the app and selected a game, you will have the whole family engaged in bow fishing competitions, dangerous hunts, and high-score target shootouts. 

If you’ve ever seen someone not familiar with a compound bow try to pull one back for the first time, they typically use their shoulder and not their back. Well after about 30 minutes of drawing back the Accubow, you find out if you are using the right muscles. As time progresses, you will build those back muscles for those heavy draw weights and improve your stability in the shoulder for those long holds while your waiting for that perfect shot. 

Before you ask, the Accubow can be cranked up to reach 70lb. draw weights. Heed my warning however, there’s a big difference between slinging a few arrows and putting in the reps on the Accubow. I personally shoot 70 pounds comfortably with my hunting bow (don’t tell Rudolf), and I had to back off on the tension while using the Accubow. 

So, get off the couch Russ, because this bow ain’t going in the yard, it’s going in the living room!

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